To Kill A Pureblood: Zero Style
by Pureblood Status
Summary: Zero swore that he would hunt down all the purebloods, including Yuuki, and kill them all. Yuuki promised to keep running. Eventually, Zero realized something. Killing a vampire is kinda hard. CRACK FIC!
1. Attempt 1

_So I was in the mood for a crack fic and this happened. This story is not meant to be taken seriously...at all. This is what happens when a person has way too much time on their hands. And to anyone who is reading my other VK stories and is like "WTF? Shouldn't you finish those before starting a third story?" I say to you...yeah, I should. However, this story will probably be update and possibly finished soon because crack is just naturally produced in my blood stream so it won't be to hard to think up ideas for this story. _

_So, this story is based off of the latest chapter of Vampire Knight. Everyone seemed depressed that Zero has his whole "must kill all da pureblood vamps" idea so I decided to do something that will hopefully cheer some people up. Last night...morning...whatever time it was, this idea just came to me. What if Zero just kind of failed at trying to kill Yuuki? Like all the things that could possibly go wrong would go wrong. So this story was born. I hope you guys enjoy. _

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight. **

_**Warning: **This story contains OOCness from all characters, crackyness, a yaoi moment, and Zero (unsuccessfully) trying to kill Yuuki Kuran. You have been warned. _

**Attempt #1**

_Attempt #1: Kuran Manor _

Zero Kiryu was sneaking through the dark, empty hallways of Kuran Manor like a ninja...a sexy, silver-haired ninja. His task was simple. He came here to finally kill Yuuki Kuran, his former best friend/love interest/blood donor who had recently turned into a pureblood vampire. Zero didn't care how kind and caring Yuuki had been, she was a vampire now and that made her a _bad, bad_person. He was planning on killing her last, after he got rid of all the other pureblood vampires. However, after the battle at Cross Academy, when Zero went back to his dorm room to pack his things, he found a note from Kaname that made him change his mind about everything.

_Dear Zero, _

_I win. Haha. _

_Hugs and Kisses, _

_Kaname Kuran _

_P.S. _

_Yuuki put her red sweater in the washing machine with your white clothes, so your clothes might be a little...not white anymore. Do you mind dropping Yuuki's sweater off? kthnx. _

Now all his white clothes were pink thanks to Yuuki. This was something that could never be forgiven..._ever. _He would miss Yuuki, though. They shared so many great memories. Yuuki was always so understanding...

_"Zero, what's wrong? You ran out of the circus screaming." Yuuki knelt next to Zero, who was hiding behind one of the food stands in a fetal position. He looked up at Yuuki from his position on the ground, and then looked away blushing. _

_"It's just...too embarrassing. You wouldn't understand. You would laugh." Yuuki gave him a kind smile and put her hand on his shoulder, reassuringly. _

_"Zero, I could never find your pain funny. Tell me what's wrong." _

_"Well...I'm afraid of clowns." _

_"...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" _

_"It's not that funny, Yuuki! Shut up!" _

Yuuki always understood him so well...

_"Kaname-senpia is really sexy." _

_"What!?" _

_"Come on, Zero. Don't act as if you didn't notice. He has sexy, wavy hair. He has sexy, pretty eyes. He has a sexy, beautiful face. And have you seen his bu-" _

_"Okay, Yuuki, I get it. We all know Kaname Kuran is sexy!" _

_"...you think Kaname-senpia is sexy, Zero?" _

And Yuuki always brought out the best in him...

_"Zero, we'll always be friends, right? Even if I turned out to be one of the creatures you hate the most, became the fiancee of your most hated rival, and brought nothing but pain, despair, and blood-shed into your life?" _

_"Of course, Yuuki. It's not like I would go on some killing spree or something." _

So many fond memories of Yuuki, but he couldn't back out of his plan now. She wasn't the same Yuuki anymore, not matter how much she acted **exactly like **the human Yuuki.

Zero arrived in front of the door at the end of a very long hallway. This was it. He sensed the presence of a pureblood on the other side of the door. Zero pulled out the Bloody Rose from his jacket and proceeded to kick down the door with his foot. He ran into the room with the Bloody Rose held out in front of him.

"I'm here to kill you, Yuu-Kaname?"

"Oh, hey Zero."

Kaname Kuran was sitting in front of the fireplace, knitting a sweater. He didn't look up until Zero had addressed and he gave the ex-human a smile. _Suspicious_. He wasn't acting like it was totally weird to have a ex-human vampire hunter breaking down your door in the middle of the night. Silence passed as the two men stared at each other. Finally, Zero let out a sigh and lowered his gun.

"Well...this is awkward. I kind of came here to kill Yuuki," he said.

"Yuuki is not here at the moment. Actually, I don't where Yuuki is, she's been missing for a week. The vampires who supported the council are out for our blood, but I'm sure there's nothing to worry about," replied Kaname. He looked around the room as if expecting Yuuki to suddenly appear out nowhere. He couldn't believe he lost her _again. _

_More Awkward Silence._

"Listen, Kaname...about that whole 'cutting your hand off' thing, it was nothing personal. Well, okay, it kind of was, but I've been getting so much hate mail from your fangirls..." Kaname silenced him with a raised hand.

"No need to explain. I started receiving hate mail after the anime started airing."

_Even More Awkward Silence._

"Well, since Yuuki isn't here I'm going to have to kill you," said Zero. Kaname nodded and rose from his chair.

"I understand, Zero. I have caused many problems in your life and you have more than enough reasons to want to-OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOU?!," yelled Kaname, pointing a frightened finger behind Zero. Once Zero turned around in panic, Kaname jumped through the open window and escaped...sexily. When Zero realized nothing was behind him and turned around to resume his mission, Kaname was _gone. _

"Damn, fell for it again."

_I'm sure Kaname will find Yuuki...eventually. I told you this story was cracky. When I update depends on how many reviews I get. Happy New Year. No matter how stupid this is please don't flame me. The next one will be better. _


	2. Attempt 2

_I had time to update. The crack that usually runs through my bloodstream has been on very low levels. It took a while to think of an idea for this chapter. I did, though, and I hope all the readers like it. I'm trying to update all three of my Vampire Knight stories this weekend. _

_I want to thank everyone who reviewed Chapter one of this story. You guys are very nice people. _

_I added a little flashback at the beginning of the chapter. Just Zero remembering the good old days. _

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Vampire Knight. I don't technically own any crack either.

**Warning: **We have some very OOC characters in this chapter. There is also another yaoi moment. No one, not even Zero, is immune to Kaname's sexiness.

**Attempt #2 **

"_Yuuki? What are you doing?" asked Zero, staring at Yuuki in confusion. Both of the prefects were on a roof next the Moon Dorms. Yuuki was sitting on the railing with a pair of high-tech binoculars pressed to her face, drool coming from her mouth as she stared at one of dorm windows. She snapped out of her gaze when Zero called her and turned to address him. _

"_Oh…my…god. Zero, if you stand in this exact position and use these binoculars, you can see right into Kaname-senpia's bathroom! And he's taking a shower!" Zero stared at her in shock, before lunging for Yuuki. _

"_What?! Hey, give me those binoculars!" _

"_No! If I don't get in enough 'Kaname-senpia spying' time before I go to bed I'll have nightmares. Go stalk Kaname during your own time," retorted Yuuki. A struggle for the binoculars ensued and Yuuki ended up losing her balance. Zero let out a cry of alarm as Yuuki fell of the railing. He looked over the edge, and then let out a sigh of relief. _

"_Good, that stone column broke her fall." _

_**Attempt #2: A…um…park **_

…_I might not make it out of this situation alive. There are some things I would like to tell the people I know. _

_Lily, my beautiful horse…I've always loved you. I know I forgot our wedding anniversary, but I promise if I live through this I'll make it up to you. _

_Headmaster Cross…I hate you. You change your appearance and attitude, and suddenly you're Mr. Super Awesome Sexy Vampire Hunter. Now all __**my **__fangirls are running to you! You of all people! I always thought you and Master Yagari were…never mind. _

_Um, hey, Master Yagari. If you find certain…magazines under my bed, they, um…aren't mine. I swear! I was holding them for Ichiru…you know…before I ate him. _

_Kaname Kuran…I'm never falling for that little stunt you pulled last week ever again. _

_And Yuuki…I KEEL YOU! _

Zero pressed the stop button on his tape recorder. He finally finished recording his last will and testament. If this mission failed and he ended up dead, hopefully someone will find this and listen. Zero looked down from his position in the tree, one of the many in the park. Now all he had to do was wait for them. His plan will work out perfectly this time. Yuuki always forced Kaname to come with her to the park every Friday for _bonding _time. The tree he was in had a perfect view of the park bench they always sat on. He just had to wait for Yuuki to sit down and then he would spring into action.

Zero went completely still as Kaname and Yuuki's voices got louder. The two seemed to be in a heated argument as they walked down the path. Zero used his vampire senses to try to pick up the conversation.

"Kaname-oniisama! This is the third time you've forgotten about me! Aren't you supposed to protect me or something? You drove the both of us to the woods, made me get out of the car, and then DROVE OFF! Then I was kidnapped by a bunch of council supporting vampires. Do you know how long it took me to escape? If I didn't know any better I would think you were trying to get rid of me on purpose." She glared at Kaname, who had a nervous look on his face. Those stupid council supporters owe him his fifty dollars back. She wasn't supposed to escape.

"…Of course not. Why would I want to get rid of _you_?" Kaname had a reassuring smile on his face, but the pureblood's left eye was twitching slightly.

"Well, next time you should…" Zero felt a wave of pity as Yuuki started to nag Kaname's ear off. Zero was use to such treatment from her. It was kind of weird, though. This vampire Yuuki acted **exactly like** the human Yuuki. He watched as she continued to yell.

"And you are a horrible fiancée," finished Yuuki. She was slightly out of breath after her rant. She glared up at Kaname, who opened his mouth and came up with the best comeback _ever. _

"Well…your mom."

Oooh. Burn.

"We have the same mom," replied Yuuki flatly.

"Um, yeah, about that. Well, let's just say, hypothetically I'm not your real brother…"

Zero pulled the Bloody Rose out of his jacket as Kaname led Yuuki to the bench. He froze, though, when Kaname's gaze landed on him. Kaname looked at the bench, then Zero, then the bench again, and then back at Zero. He quickly pushed Yuuki on the bench.

"Here, Yuuki. Sit here. In this exact spot."

Zero aimed the Bloody Rose at Yuuki. He was about to pull the trigger but his fingers froze. Could he really kill Yuuki?

"_Remember what she did to your clothes," _said a voice in the back of his head. A voice that was eerily similar to Kaname's. Very similar. Zero put his finger on the trigger again. It was time.

CRACK! Went the tree branch Zero was sitting on. The ex-human went tumbling and fell face first.

Into an ant pile. A red ant pile.

Zero's cry of pain could be heard across the whole country. Yuuki looked around wildly and Kaname sighed in annoyance.

-

-

-

When Zero woke up, after passing out from pain, Kaname and Yuuki were leaving. Yuuki didn't see him, but Kaname sent him a glare. Zero had failed him. Zero watched the retreating back's of the purebloods. Yuuki was right. Kaname _did _have a nice bu-

"Oh, hell no!"

-

-

-

"What is it, Yuuki?"

"I don't know, oniisama. I thought I just heard…the joyful screaming of a thousand yaoi fangirls."

_I am a huge Kaname/Yuuki fan, but I thought it would be funny if, after waiting ten years for her to remember him, Kaname got really annoyed with her. And Kaname is just so amazing. I hope you guys liked this chapter. The next chapter will be about Aidou and Zero's vines. I leave the rest to everyone's imaginations. _

_-desperately tries to get the crack out of her system before updating one of her serious stories-_


	3. Attempt 3

_It's fun writing this story. Zero (Love the hunter!) is just so serious and stuff all the time. So is Kaname. And crack is always enjoyable. Do you think Kaname would be mad with the way I've been portraying him? –is afraid of angry (sexy) Kaname- _

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed/faved/alerted this story. Reviews are always nice. Oh, and the first person to review this chapter –and is a Kaname fan- will get a part in the next chapter. You get to be a Kaname stalker! Yeah stalker!_

_This chapter is really short, and more like a little mini-adventure. More like a drabble. It's like a little snack before more crackyness. _

**Disclaimer: **A Law Book of Doom was forcefully thrown at my head when I said I owned Vampire Knight. So to avoid another concussion, I have to tell you guys I don't own Vampire Knight.

**Warning: Not really. Maybe not. Probably. Taco. **

**Attempt #3**

_**Attempt #3: The Front of the Kuran Estate **_

Zero desperately tried to pull the knots out of the net he was setting up. His plan would work out perfectly this time. Unlike the first time…and the time after that. Stupid Kaname had to distract him with his hotness. Now he had ant bites covering his whole freaking face. Zero was so distracted with his work that he didn't notice when Yuuki came running up to the gate. She quickly hid the yaoi pictures in her bag before slowly walking up to Zero.

"Um, what are you doing?" she asked. Zero somehow got his hand tangled in the net and he was frantically trying to undo it. He didn't seem to recognize Yuuki's voice or presence.

"Waiting for Yuuki to come so I can kill her," he answered. He let out a cry of panic as his ear got tangled in the net. Yuuki looked at all the tools around Zero.

"What's all this stuff for?"

"When she walks past this spot, she's going to break this wire and it will cause the net to trap her. After that all I have to do is shoot her," said Zero. He tried gnawing at the part of the net that was now caught on his chin.

"Oh. Well…good luck with that," replied Yuuki, nervously. She turned to walk away, but she stopped. An evil smile slowly appeared on her face. Zero was so distracted by the rope now caught around his neck that she could get him to do absolutely anything. Unlike Kaname, who was determined to be stubborn. Well, maybe after be trapped in the dark basement for a few months, Kaname would learn his lesson.

"Bye," chocked out Zero. He still never saw Yuuki face yet, but stars were starting to cloud his vision. Yuuki walked up to Zero and whispered in his ear.

"Hey, _stranger_? Will you take a few yaoi pictures with my brother for me to put on livejournal?"

"Huh? Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Will you let me record it and hold it as blackmail against you for the rest of your life and all of eternity?"

"Yep."

"Okay, bye." Yuuki jumped over the wire and skipped her way through the front gate. She had some camera work to set up.

A few minutes, Zero was able to break from the ropes constricting him. He looked at the net and then the front gate Yuuki just went through.

He had screwed up again.

"…shit."

_Preview for later chapters: _

"_Hey Kaname-sama, you're so fine! You're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Kaname-sama, hey, hey! Hey Kaname-sama!" - Aidou_

"_Why do these fangirls keep following me!? And what the hell is Zeki!"- Kaname _

"_Haruka! Haruka! Haruka! Rido is biting me!" _

"_Shut up! I'm watching American Idol, dammit!" – Juuri and Haruka _

"_I'm not making out with you." _

"_But…I'm Kaname Kuran." – Zero and Kaname _

"_Why does Kaname need to see a therapist?" _

"_His obsession with bitch slapping." – Zero and therapist _

"_You were looking at yaoi pictures again, weren't you, Yuuki?" – Kaname _

_So I'll update as soon as I can. I'm also taking requests for chapters if anyone wants to see something. Review please! _


	4. Attempt 4

_I felt that chapter three wasn't cracky enough, so I decided to update super fast for everybody. Thank you to all the reviewers. This chapter is dedicated to __**Ashley, Sagakure, Blood-Lies, angelthewriter, Kar-Kar93, Risika135, VampireMaddy, svetili, InuYashaFreak, VampireKnightLover, daydreamer11691, Dawn Haruno, pookie, tchb, aileen9505, It's Shiki Bitch, EvilMonkeyKween, -Violet-Rebel-, and anyone else who reviewed and I posted this chapter before I got your review. Tell me if I missed you and I'll give you a Kuran cookie. **_

_This chapter is also dedicated to __**kAtiE-lUvs-mcr, **__who was the first person to review the last chapter and gets to be a Kaname stalker in this chapter. Yeah stalker! You get to be in a flashback. I didn't know how you would act as a Kaname stalker, so I just wrote how I would react…which is pretty sad. _

_Yes, this chapter starts off with a flashback. _

**Disclaimer: **The lawyers keep beating me up with their Law Books of Doom! I don't own Vampire Knight. Leave me alone you evil lawyers! –runs away as more books are thrown at her-

**Warning: **Stalkery. And lots of OOCness spewing from the characters. Okay, that sounded kind of wrong. Haruka, my love, is so out of character that you wouldn't recognize him.

**Attempt #4 **

_Zero couldn't believe he lost Yuuki again. He turns around for one minute while on patrol, and when he turns back around she's gone. He had smelled her blood, and Aidou had walked by a few minutes ago, but Zero just ignored the blonde vampire. _

"_God, this is the fifth time I've lost track of her. Maybe she's stalking Kaname…" said Zero. He turned a corner, and let out a yelp of surprise when something crashed into him. Something very sexy. Zero was face-to-face with Kaname Kuran, who was clutching him tightly. The other vampire looked like his clothes had just gone through a shredder. His hair was disheveled and there was a frightened panic in his eyes. He was slightly out of breath as he addressed Zero. _

"_Have…to…help me. The fangirl…and the screaming…and the…" Kaname was starting to sound more and more crazed as his grip on Zero tightened. Zero tried to pull away from Kaname, but the pureblood wouldn't let him go. _

"_Calm down, Kuran! What's happening?" _

"_There was this girl…stalker…she said her name was Katie-luvs-mcr. Then all of a sudden she started ripping my clothes and trying to kiss me and…I'm scared!" yelled Kaname. He started crying on Zero's shoulder. Zero awkwardly patted Kaname's back. _

"_C-calm down, Kaname. It's going to be okay…" _

"_Why do these fangirls keep following me?! And what the hell is Zeki?! That's not even a word!" Kaname was slowly starting to calm down…until a girl's voice broke the silence. _

"_Kaname-kun!" A girl came around the corner and started running towards the two vampires. She had a shirt on with Kaname's picture on it. _

"_Oh no, she's found me," whispered Kaname. He took a few steps back as the girl got closer. _

"_Kaname-kun! Just let me rape you once and I swear I'll leave you alone." _

"_No! Only Zero is allowed to-I mean, leave me alone!" And then Kaname proceeded to run away…sexily. _

_**Attempt #4- A Uber Fancy French Restaurant **_

Kaname and Yuuki Kuran sat at the table of the fancy French restaurant. It was so fancy that it didn't even have a _name. _Yuuki and Kaname were snuggled close to each other and making lovey-dovey eyes at each other. Yuuki hugged Kaname closer.

"I'm so happy I decided to let you out of the basement early. Have you learned your lesson, my love?" asked Yuuki, sweetly. To sweetly.

"Yes, Yuuki," said Kaname, smiling. His left eye now had a permanent twitch. Yuuki sighed happily and rested her head against Kaname's chest.

"Do you remember the times before I lost my memories? Our time with mom and dad?"

"Yes, I remember this one time, before you were born, when Uncle Rido came to visit…"

"_Haruka! Haruka! Haruka! Rido is biting me!" screamed Juuri. Rido had his fangs permanently latched to her neck and she was trying to pull away from him. Small, cute Kaname was just staring in horror. Staring in all his chibi cuteness. Haruka didn't turn away from the TV set when he addressed Juuri. _

"_Shut up! I'm watching American Idol, dammit!" He burped and continued to chug down another can of beer. Kaname walked up to Haruka and shook his shoulder. _

"_Daddy, I think uncle is hurting mommy and he keeps touching her-" _

"_Then you go help her," snapped Haruka. _

"_But…I'm only two!" _

"_Go on son, be a man. Now run along so I can finish my Ryan Seacrest fangirling." _

"Yes, those were the good old days," said Kaname fondly. Yuuki nodded.

"Mother and father were so nice. They were the perfect couple…"

"_You never think about my needs, Haruka! All you care about is yourself and that stupid TV." _

"_It's always about you, huh, Juuri? It's always 'Help Haruka, Rido is trying to rape me' or 'Help Haruka, I'm in labor'. God, you're such a pain." _

"_I'm going to go and destroy that stupid TV of yours and-" _

"_Be quiet, women!" _

Yuuki and Kaname both sighed happily. Kaname was thinking about how peaceful it was before Yuuki was born. Yuuki was thinking about yaoi. Yuuki turned and looked up at Kaname.

"We're always going to be together and happy like mother and father, right?"

"Yes. Always."

"And we're going to have beautiful children together?"

"Don't push it, Yuuki." Yuuki glared at Kaname, but they were both interrupted by the waiter arriving at their table. He had a thick black mustache, silver hair, pretty purple eyes and…wait a second.

"You look familiar…" said Yuuki. She examined the waiter closer. "Do I know you?"

"Um...no. I have never met you before, Yuuki," said the waiter in a thick, fake French accent. He nervously pulled his collar up and tried to hide the tattoo on his neck. Kaname rolled his eyes, absolutely sure that Yuuki would not fall for Zero's horrible disguise.

"Oh, never mind. There's no way Zero could pull off such a wonderful French accent."

Or she could fall for it completely.

"Here is your menu," said Zero the waiter. He gave the menus to the two purebloods. "I suggest the Bloody Rose pasta." Yuuki looked up at him, confused.

"But that's not on the menu…"

"Get the freaking Bloody Rose pasta."

"Actually, Yuuki wanted the-"started Kaname, but Zero cut him off with a glare.

"Sexy people don't have a say in the matter. I'll go get your pasta." He grabbed the menus and quickly walked away. Yuuki continued staring at him.

"He looks so familiar…"

"Oh God," said Kaname, slapping himself in the face.

-----------------------------------------------------

"All you do is stick the barrel of the…pasta into your mouth and pull the…pasta trigger," explained Zero as he placed Yuuki's plate on the table. His plan would work out perfectly this time. Yuuki picked up the Bloody Rose, which was wrapped in noodles, and looked at it.

"Then what?" she asked. Zero stuttered nervously.

"T-then…your mouth is filled with…pasta goodness," he replied. All Kaname could do was stare at the two in wonder. He couldn't believe how stupid the plan was…and that Yuuki was actually falling for it. Kaname sighed. Well, he might as well save Yuuki. He leaned closer to Yuuki and whispered in her ear, to low for Zero to hear. She nodded eagerly. She aimed the gun at her mouth, and then her hand suddenly jerked and aimed at Zero's shoulder. She pulled the trigger.

"Ow! What the hell!? How do you miss your mouth?!" Zero screamed, clutching his bleeding shoulder. Yuuki seemed surprised that blood was coming out of Zero's shoulder, too.

"Oniisama said that it's a custom in France to let the waiter try the food first," answered Yuuki. She looked at Kaname, who was laughing so hard that everyone was paying more attention to him then the bleeding waiter.

"I-I…can't believe…how stupid…you two…oh god!" chocked out Kaname. He continued his laughing…sexily.

Yuuki remained forever confused.

_I heart Haruka/Juuri. That's why I totally screwed up their relationship. Hope you guys liked this chapter. I'll try to update as soon as I can. _


	5. Attempt 5

_Your reviews are so nice, and they motivate me to update faster. I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter. And I'm glad a certain Kaname stalker liked their portrayal in the last chapter. You know, I'm a Kaname/Yuuki fan, but its fun writing Zero crushing on Kaname in this fic. So I may be a Kaname/Zero fan. I guess my other VK story makes up for the lack of Kurancest. _

_On a note of randomness, I wish that I could draw. If I could, I would draw a comic of the last chapter's flashbacks. I would then put it as my screensaver, so every time I open my laptop I will be met by crack. That would be fun. Yeah! I had way to much sugar recently! _

**Disclaimer: **Those lawyers can't control me. I do own Vampire Kni-! –cries out in pain as a Law Book of Doom is thrown at her face- Okay, okay! I don't own Vampire Knight. Just stop throwing those books at me!

**Warning: **There are some yaoi-ish vibes in this chapter. The rest of the chapter is filled with OOCness, plus a chewy cracky center.

I are too lazy to put a flashback for this chapter. Yeah laziness! –crashes on her bed-

**Attempt #5 **

_**Attempt #5: Aidou Estate **_

"Hey Kaname-sama, you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Kaname-sama, hey, hey! Hey Kaname-sama!" sang Hanabusa Aidou. He was so happy and excited. And why wouldn't he be? His lov-his friend, Kaname Kuran and Kaname's sister, Yuuki Kuran would be coming over today. The last time Aidou had seen Kaname, the blonde vampire had been hiding in a tree next to Kaname's room. Aidou always made a monthly "check-up" on the pureblood. You know, just to make sure he was safe. When he wasn't spying on Kaname he was getting pictures of him from Yuuki. The girl had a very strange and unnerving obsession with her brother. Aidou was thinking about all the interesting pictures when his butler rushed into the room.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news, Aidou-sama! Your family has gotten into a horrible accident and-"

"Have the Kurans arrived?" asked Aidou in excitement, interrupting the butler.

"But sir, I think your family might be de-"

"Have the Kurans arrived!?"

"…yes…"

"Yeah, Kaname-sama! I have to make sure Kaname-sama is comfortable! Go take care of that 'dead family' thing for me!" Aidou told the butler as he ran out of the room. The poor butler just stood there, one lone tear running down his cheek.

Aidou skipped to the sitting room where he was planning on meeting Kaname and Yuuki. It was such a wonderful day. He would be seeing Kaname and getting pictures from Yuuki and-

"WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Aidou when he entered the room. He stared in shock and horror at was before him. The whole room was covered in vines and in the middle of it was Zero Kiryu. Zero was trying to untangle one of his vines from a chair when Aidou came in and he quickly turned around to face the blonde vampire.

"Um…hey, buddy," said Zero nervously. "I have a perfectly good explanation for sneaking through a window and into your house."

"…Wh-What are you doing here?!"

"I kind of came here to kill Yuuki," answered Zero. The answer seemed to throw off the other vampire because Aidou was looking at him in confusion.

"You too? I mean- you can't be seen here!" He grabbed Zero and all his multiple vines and shoved him into the closet **(That was a funny line to write). **A second later, a knock came on the door and it was opened by a butler. In came the hottest pureblood to ever exist in history…and Yuuki. The two purebloods stopped when they saw Aidou.

"Hey Kaname-sama, Yuuki-sama. How's it going?" said the noble in an overly cheery voice. He was leaning all his weight against the closet door which Zero was banging against furiously.

"Um, what's in your closet?" asked Yuuki. Aidou started sweating as he tried to think up a believable excuse. He was a genius after all, it shouldn't be that hard.

"A…dog. My dog…Orez. If he doesn't keep quiet, though, I might just have to get him _fixed._"

The banging stopped instantly.

Yuuki seemed to buy the excuse, but Kaname just rolled his eyes. Aidou moved away from the door slowly and led Kaname and Yuuki to the sofas. The vampires sat down comfortably.

"It was nice of you to invite us over this evening, Aidou," said Kaname, holding his hand out for the other male to shake. Aidou grabbed his hand and shook it so enthusiastically that-

"Oh my god! Your hand!" yelled Aidou. He stared in horror at Kaname's hand, which had come off while he was shaking it. Yuuki didn't seem bothered by the fact that Kaname had no hand and all Kaname did was sigh.

"That's not my real hand. It's plastic. My real hand still hasn't grown back from when _somebody _sliced it off." A bark of laughter could be heard from the closet. Aidou glared at the door.

"I can think of some over things that need to be _cut." _Once there was no sound coming from the closet, Aidou handed the fake hand back to Kaname.

"So, Aidou, you asked us to come over here because you had something important to tell us," said Kaname.

"Yes, Kaname-sama. Um, let's just say, hypothetically, um, a certain assassin group wanted you to pay them for taking care of a certain, um, person." His eyes darted nervously to Yuuki. "What would you like me to tell them, if this whole situation were really to happen?"

"Well, if something like that were to happen, I would tell whoever has been working as my spy to tell the assassins that they won't get their money until they get the job done." Yuuki stared at the two vampires, confused.

"What are you two talking about?" asked Yuuki innocently. A look of brief panic crossed Kaname's face before he gave Yuuki a reply.

"Um, kittens. We're talking about kittens, my dear girl."

"Oh, okay," said Yuuki happily, ignorant of the _many _assassination attempts planned against her. She pulled out the pictures of Kaname she was planning to give Aidou secretly, but dropped them when the closet door was slammed open. Zero stood in the doorway, him and his vines glowing with all their angsty, angry, sexy glory. He aimed the Bloody Rose at Yuuki's head.

"Hey! The only one killing Yuuki around here is me and! - are those pictures of Kaname?"

While Zero was distracted by the sexy digital photos of Kaname, Yuuki escaped through the window.

Kaname escaped…sexily. And Aidou escaped…not as sexily as Kaname.

_I have decided that all the Kurans have an incest complexion. Example: _

_**Kaname/Yuuki **_

_**Haruka/Juuri **_

_**Rido/Juuri **_

_**Rido/Yuuki **_

_**Rido/Kaname (non-canon but who cares!) **_

_I wonder if any of them have fallen in love with anyone outside of their family…well, who cares. I still love all of them and their Kurancesty relationships. For the next chapter, I'm thinking about maybe trapping Yuuki, Kaname, and Zero in an elevator. _

_I updated my other VK story, Desire and Discontent, if anyone is interested. Kthnxbye. _


End file.
